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My fight for job – lost battles

Hello there. It’s me, I am back and this time I finally got a job. Just 6 months ago I found my first job ever after almost 9 years of my graduation in Macedonia. Been living for 8 years in Spain all I could find was an internship that lasted me for 6 month. And now here I am in the UK and found a job just 3 days after my arrival. I couldn't accept that one, but I have to mention it as a success.

Then, I spent two mounts sending CVs to a consulting companies to get my dream job and paid them a personal visit. With a help of a friend had the names of the first few companies where to go. After 4 years of my last job (internship) some names were still fresh in my memory.

I’ve came across heavily closed doors, that didn't even open to get to the receptionist. When they did, never passed them to introduce myself and hand out a CV personally. I’ve ended up hating the receptionists for that. If they are to be the face or the company, I got pretty bad image for some. Those days I would only see either receptionists or closed doors.

In was not all that bad. I could only speak with the manager of one. Although they´ve decided not to deal with me anymore, I was treated in a very good respectful way and I´ll be sure to contact “the red door” company again in the future when my CV looks better.

Croham Hurst Woods, South Croydon. My favourite place for walk and thinking

There was another case worth to mention. I was trying to enter this company, but they didn´t let me come up. They told me to live the CV to this guy (nice one) working on the reception desk that didn´t even worked for the company, but secure the entrance in this building. I told this guy what they´ve told me (the truth) and he asked:

“But you want to go up and hand out the CV yourself?” 

Said yes, and he said “So, you go!” and made a Visitor card for me and I went up. The receptionist that said not to come up, just rolled her eyes over while I was explaining and tried to be nice with me (not enough). I could see the employees (assuming great mega Senior Project Managers) behind her back walking around looking busy in elegant suits and she said there´s nobody I could talk to.

Went down disappointed, but left the building very thankful to the black one – eyed guy that had more consideration for me than any other person I’ve met along my search for job. I hope he didn’t got fired because he let me go up. That’s the only things that bothers me today. Sure, I am not going to come back for job in that “sailor on boat in front of the building” consulting company. I got very disappointed because they were such a big and important consulting company for me, winning all this big and important projects. They are now not that big for me.

Well, I know it’s not Stiglitz, Keynes or Paul Krugman went to look for a job, it was me, Biljana Veljanoska that left my family (in Spain and have another in Macedonia that I haven’t seen in years) and went to pursue a dream. Went with a poor CV with a gap of 4 years in it that I couldn’t explain (or think of a good lie), but strong will and determination. 



My daughter Victoria when she came to visit me this summer at M&M Store in London.

What will happen in the next few weeks after this is just some e-mails asking me to explain my 4 year gap (What have I’ve done from my last job). There were only few but enough to realise that I don’t have a chance to find the job I was dreaming of and studied almost all my life. I need my dream job to continue my research in the field, be with people that have the same interest like me, share knowledge and be able to change or/and influence things.

 Behind each and every one of the jobseekers there’s a person that felt more or less like me. It’s not a problem of figures, but tears shed, lost nerves and will to live along the way. Been there, still there dreaming of my first day at my dream job.

Unemployment for me is something very personal. I take the consequences of my years in Macedonia and Spain with me wherever I go. I don’t think UK had experienced an unemployment rate of 27% recently (the unemployment rate in Spain while I was trying to find a job, or 30-32% in Macedonia). This rates usually double (have to do more research, just seen some figures and remembered) among the immigrants in the country for some reasons. I was and I’ll stay immigrant in Spain, no matter my Spanish nationality or how proud I am to be Spanish now.

I wonder if all this people from Human Resources know what does it mean to look for a job in such a conditions and being an Immigrant? Do HR professionals in UK understand that or they just limit on doing their job? Does it make me a bad worker or just bad candidate?

Just like all them receptionist that probably haven’t experienced the half I did trying to find a job. Finally I did it in my third country. The United Kingdom. Probably and hopefully my last chance to get to my dream job.

Companies see their best interest I am sure I can be their best choice.

Now I am working on my Master’s degree in Development.  I am very happy and very passionate. My university has a big library to do my research. Have nice colleagues from all over the world and professors that remind me of the once I had in Macedonia – excellent. Still can’t stop thinking that I might fail to find a job again, but this is UK and I have to think positive.

On my way to my University. A view from my seat on the bus. Place is somewhere near Brixton.


My current job pays some of my bills and keeps my busy and very happy. My colleagues are very normal people that are happy with small thing. We have a lot of fun. I will be missing them a lot when I am gone to work my dream job. I do a lot of work working on the till and I communicate with my customers. You realise that there are really great people out there.

So many lost battles, but I am still alive. As long as I have people thinking that I will make it big one day, I can’t stop here. Last thing I want is to disappoint the one I care about. If they say I am gonna make it, gotta trust them. 

Living a life sponsored by “ICELAND” and “PRIMARK” here in London can be very hard, but if there is a will there’s a way, they say. 

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